Week 17 Thoughts
Panthers v. Bucs, Seahawks v. Niners, Ravens v. Steelers and Mother v. Me
There is a very famous quote carved onto the main court at the French Open that reads “victory belongs to the most tenacious.”
Well, you can call me Mr. Tenacious, because I’ve managed to claim victory this week due to one of my agendas.
I want to be quite proud of this agenda, seeing as my Bears agenda went up in flames so viciously, but I do think it wasn’t very hard to predict this. Oh to be the five seed in the AFC.
Actually, oh to be either five seed. But we’ll get there.
To the games.
Cowboys 30 Commanders 23. Last week I said I don’t like games on Christmas and I stand by that. However, seeing as the NFL is not going to change it’s multi billion dollar decision based on the small opinion of this man can we at least get good games on Christmas. At no point was this game even remotely interesting. Dallas led by two touchdowns at half time, then rightfully, took their collective foot off the gas. What a barn burner.
Lions 10 Vikings 23. Speaking of barn burners, what a game this was… not. Two weeks ago I said the Lions were done but I couldn’t see a loss to the J.J. McCarthy less Vikings coming. What do you say about a team when they sack the other quarterback seven times and still lose by two scores. If this is the closing of Detroit’s window it’s both quite sad and very loud. Also on the Christmas games note, can we not have the Lions and Cowboys play every Christmas. They already play every Thanksgiving. If Christmas games are going to be a tradition give us other teams please.
Broncos 20 Chiefs 13. Am I right to feel better about my team’s chances in the playoffs after this game? Yes, the Broncos won and held onto the number one seed. However, watching them struggle against the Chiefs, playing with their third string quarterback, does make me think maybe they aren’t that scary. That being said I still don’t want to go to Denver in January. I still have trauma from 2015. But consider this, the last two teams we’ve seen be this good in one score games, last year’s Chiefs and the Vikings a few years ago, did not enjoy their last playoff games.
Texans 20 Chargers 16. The quintessential Justin Herbert game. If you hate the Chargers quarterback you will say once again he didn’t do enough or isn’t good enough. Then the rest of us will ask you what you think he should’ve done more. Yeah I agree, next time he should throw the ball more into his wide open receiver’s hands (sarcasm) or he should kick extra points and field goals (more sarcasm). Also I will remind you, the Texans pass rush is elite while the Chargers protection is offensive both in title and in nature. You want a laugh? Go look at ESPN’s grade for the Chargers’ O-Line. Then please come tell me how Justin Herbert should do more. My main thought about Houston remains, that team is horrifying.
Ravens 41 Packers 24. I would just like to thank the Ravens for not giving Derrick Henry the ball after the Patriots cut Baltimore’s 11 point lead down to three last week. Because what he did to Green Bay’s Packers was akin to wild animals being released upon people in Ancient Rome. 36 carries, two hundred and 16 yards and four touchdowns. Good grief. If he doesn’t have as many or more carries against the Steelers this weekend, fire everybody. You have to feel for Green Bay, the way this season started with so much promise and it’s been so derailed by injuries is just awful.
Buccaneers 17 Dolphins 20. I once called the Bucs serious and I have to wonder if I was drugged up at the time. While the Panthers are playing the Seahawks and in all probability going to lose, you need to beat a woeful Dolphins team. They didn’t. Two more picks from Baker Mayfield and let’s not forget Miami was starting their backup quarterback. Now Tampa Bay needs to win and they need the Falcons to lose and needing anything specific from the Falcons is a terrible place to be. Here’s to hoping the Dolphins share in the Jets’ experience from this week.
Patriots 42 Jets 10. The experience being getting absolutely bludgeoned by the Patriots. Such was the annihilation, Drake Maye had completed 19 of 21 throws for 256 yards and five touchdowns by the middle of the third quarter. He didn’t step on the field again after New England made the score 45-3. That was tremendous fun and I’d very much like a repeat against the Can’t Play In the Cold Dolphins. For once our late season game against Miami is in Foxborough.
Steelers 6 Browns 13. Speaking of tremendous fun. Oh how glorious it was to see my agenda FLOURISHING exactly when I wanted it too. I have said all year these Steelers are frauds and all three times they gave me a moment of doubt, the very next week they proved me right again. Losing to the Browns in a game where they knew they win the division with a win is such a fraudulent thing to do. And boy did they do it. We’re getting a winner take all Week 18 Ravens Steelers game and that is exactly what I wanted. My coworker and I will be there, no matter what. He too has been on this ‘the Steelers are Frauds’ bus.
Jaguars 23 Colts 17. I’m not sure if to be slightly concerned by the Jags squeaking by this collapsing Colts or impressed the Colts have, Niners last week aside, played the NFC one seed Seahawks and now the AFC South leading Jags very tough. That being said the Jags are on a seven game winning streak and, if the Broncos and the Pats both lose, they will be the one seed with a win over the Titans. Did not see that one coming.
Saints 34 Titans 26. Did see this one coming, although must confess not the how. Needing two fourth quarter touchdowns to beat the Titans isn’t a great recipe for success. However, both of these teams are bad so I guess good for the winner.
Seahawks 27 Panthers 10. I almost considered the Panthers here because of what they did to the Rams a few weeks ago. For one reason or another the Seahawks seem immune to the one o’clock window losses for the west coast teams. The good news for Seattle if they lose to San Francisco on Saturday, they will either be heading back to Carolina or Tampa Bay for their first playoff game and they should absolutely win that game, easily.
Cardinals 14 Bengals 37. Just another game for Cardinals fans where the opponent puts up 35+ points. You know it’s bad when the other team is joyously celebrating a play from their 40-year-old back up quarterback, who has been put in because they’re so far ahead. I don’t know how much more demoralizing things can get, particularly when that team is also a floating fish in regards to the playoffs. Brutal.
Giants 34 Raiders 10. My coworker and I were so excited for this game because we were looking forward to how bad it could be. Sadly we didn’t get Jameis Winston v. Geno Smith in what would’ve been a combined six touchdowns and four interceptions game. Booo to you people trying to win this game. Give us what we want. Anyway, congrats to the Giants for a worse draft pick. I hope your future continues to be bleak, injuries not included of course. This was a year from hell.
Eagles 13 Bills 12. The game of the league’s two half teams. The Eagles seemingly can only score points in the first half and the Bills can only do so in the second. To say that seems to discredit their defenses and I certainly don’t mean to because both of those units were monstrous. I want to be impressed by the Bills defense in particular because the Eagles offense was so inept during the second half. The problem is that isn’t an uncommon occurrence from Philadelphia. The good news for the NFC’s current three seed is their defense is very very good. To hold the second half Bills to 12 points is a statement. Ask the Bucs, Steelers, Bengals and Pats about the Bills from minute 30 to minute 60. Also, just want to say thanks for the AFC East title Philly.
Bears 38 49ers 42. The way both these offenses sliced and diced the other team’s defense was in complete contrast to Eagles Bills. Someone on Twitter made the astute point this cannot be the same sport. Again I will say I was wrong about the Bears and I’m actually excited to watch them in the playoffs. It is mainly because I want them to lose but that’s besides the point. The Niners meanwhile continue to amaze me. To be one win away from the one seed in spite of all the injuries this team has faced is astonishing. Yes the defense is suspect but the offense is humming and there is no infallible team in the NFL this year. Also, the Niners’ red uniforms with the gold helmets look incredible in the humble opinion of this man.
Rams 24 Falcons 27. We are accepting all thoughts, prayers and donations you may want to extend to my Brother. The kid is not doing well. Truth be told this game doesn’t really matter for the Rams. They’re in the playoffs and they’re going on the road. Would they prefer to go to the NFC South team instead of Philly or Chicago? Yeah probably but they’re in the dance. The thing that does matter is the MVP. I’ve said to a few people I don’t think there’s much Drake Maye can do over these last few weeks to win the MVP because he’s playing the Jets and the Dolphins. I do however think there’s a fair bit Matthew Stafford can do to lose it. Three interceptions including a pick six in a three point loss might just be enough. Else where my coworker’s Kirk Cousins agenda continues to flourish much to my chagrin.
Couple things I want to address.
On a serious note two Patriots players are facing criminal charges and I’m not going to speculate. All I’m going to say is obviously if they’re found guilty they should both be thrown into prison and not allowed to play football again. However, if they’re found innocent then I shall be very excited to see them in the playoffs.
On a lighter note I’ve taken a look through the weekly records and once again we’re going into the final round in a very close race. After 17 weeks I have won outright four times (five if we’re accepting Mother’s Week 15 self DQ), Mother has five outright wins and Brother… we won’t mention it. Twice, Mother and I have tied. For Brother and I, it is thrice. Those two have tied once and we three all tied once.
What a way to end the season.
Oh and Happy New Year. Thank you for reading. I’m very appreciative of each of you.