Week 7
Hello old friend, fancy seeing you here.
WE DID IT.
We finally did it. We got to the end of the week and my mother is not the victor. And you thought Christmas came in December.
Unfortunately we could only salvage a tie and by we, I mean my brother, who needed the last game of the weekend to ensure the reign of terror did not extend to four consecutive weeks.
Heaven’s be praised. To the games.
Steelers 31 Bengals 33. Like the last two weeks we all picked the favourite here. To my brother’s credit he thought the Bengals could pull off the upset. I very much did not. Last week I finally decided to consider giving the Steelers credit after being very dismissive of them. I certainly didn’t think a woeful Bengals team would be the ones to spearhead my previous agenda.
Clearly Joe Flacco heard my hesitation because he eviscerated Pittsburgh with the help of Ja’Marr Chase and his 16 catches, a franchise record, 161 yards and one touchdown. Aaron Rodgers threw for four touchdowns but Flacco, playing for his third AFC North team, handed his old rival their second defeat. Is the secret to success in Cincinnati just having a quarterback named Joe?
Rams 35 Jaguars 7. The Rams landed in London, annihilated the Jags, and were probably back in LA before sunset on the American West Coast. Matt Stafford had five touchdowns. That is all.
Eagles 28 Vikings 22. This game was the 4-0 Eagles returning to the football field. Just like they did against the Cowboys and the Buccaneers, Philly took a big lead, let the other team back into it and closed it out. Carson Wentz once again endeared himself to the Eagles faithful with his two picks… he’s the Vikings’ quarterback if you were wondering. After two weeks of the sky falling in Philadelphia, guess who is tied for the third best record in the league.
Patriots 31 Titans 13. Speaking of the third best record in the league the New England Patriots are also sitting at 5-2. Yes the Titans are atrocious as evidenced by their embarrassing loss to the equally abysmal Raiders last week, but they did have the fired coach bounce coming into this game. It wasn’t enough to stop the most accurate quarterback performance in Patriots history. (Yes it’s true. No I didn’t believe it either.)
Drake Maye completed 21 of his 23 throws and he wasn’t throwing screens to his running backs. Just another week ending with the Patriots atop the AFC East and currently your number two seed in the AFC.
Panthers 13 Jets 6. 0-17 is on the cards ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I must confess I, for the second time this year mind you, picked the Jets. That’s not happening again no matter how much my coworker threatens to call me a sheep or a schmuck. Get read to learn number one overall pick again bucko.
Dolphins 6 Browns 31. Fair is fair. My coworker said I should’ve picked the Browns and I, like the analytics nerds we all laugh at in baseball, picked the Dolphins because “the Dolphins have scored a lot of points every week but the Browns offense has been bad”. How did that turn out? Go check the Bengals Vikings week three game. A carbon copy.
Saints 14 Bears 26. I picked the Bears. I don’t want to talk about it. Not even my total disbelief in Chicago could over come the ineptitude of the Saints. Here’s hoping I don’t have to do this for the rest of the year again.
Chiefs 31 Raiders 0. You cannot discount 31-0 wins even if they come against the Raiders. Last year everyone was complaining when the Chiefs were beating bad teams in close affairs so it would be completely hypocritical to penalize them for destroying awful competition. 31 point shutout wins are difficult to come by and rather impressive. Mahomes and the offense are clicking again and Geno Smith’s line should tell you everything you need to know about the defense.
Colts 38 Chargers 24. Do you remember week 4 when the Chiefs played the Ravens and the final score, as bad as it was, didn’t accurately depict how badly the Chiefs actually outplayed the Raves? Yeah same here. The Colts went to LA and thrashed the Chargers. Even I, the Justin Herbert fan will say his line, though tremendous, is very misleading.
This was a 23-3 game at halftime. When the Chargers scored a touchdown immediately out of the half, the Colts turned around and scored eight in reply. Indiana Jones had two TDs, Jonathon Taylor had three TDs for the third time in five games and the Colts are 6-1. They’re bordering on ‘wagon’ status.
Giants 32 Broncos 33. Fair is fair again. I was at work when the Giants were up 19-0 over Denver and my coworker had the audacity, the nerve, the unmitigated gall to suggest Bo Nix is better than Drake Maye. Needless to say I scoffed dismissively. Very dismissively. Then Bo Nix became Tom Brady in the fourth quarter again.
Two passing TDs, two rushing TDs and a no timeouts drive to set up the game winning field goal. The Broncos score each and every one of their 33 points in the fourth quarter. I know I said I wouldn’t want to be in a one possession game late against the Buccaneers. I have no idea how many possessions I’d need to feel safe against fourth quarter Bo Nix. Sidenote, my brother was in utter disbelief when I told him the score. I’m not sure he believes it actually happened. He did pick the Giants so that probably played a part.
Packers 27 Cardinals 23. I know the Packers are the number one seed in the NFC but they are not filling me with confidence. Sure, they won the game and 4-1-1 is better than 3-2-1 but the Cardinals led this game 13-3. You take the win but Green Bay has got to start winning some of these games against bad teams in convincing fashion. Weeks 1 and 2 were a long time ago.
Commanders 22 Cowboys 44. The Commanders may be in a bit of trouble. I’d baked in their games against the Cowboys and Giants as automatic wins because of how bad those two teams are. Except, they went and got blown out by Dallas. Washington made it a 15-20 game in the second quarter and the Cowboys proceeded to score 21 consecutive points. Also, despite their hilarious loss, the Giants are looking like a tough out so I’m not sure the Commanders are the lock playoff team I thought they were. No, I still don’t believe in Dallas. This is what league best offense should look like, particularly when it gets Cee-Dee Lamb back.
Falcons 10 49ers 20. Christian McCaffrey and the hospital 9ers sounds like a band name but it’s the reality of the situation. McCaffrey had 24 carries for 129 yards and two TDs and 7 receptions for 72 yards meaning he touched the ball 31 times and gained 201 all purpose yards. The 49ers are 5-2. They remain atop the NFC West, standing on their tippy toes on top of McCaffrey’s shoulders. Elsewhere, the Michael Penix Jr. Bright Lights Merchant agenda took a damaging hit. Maybe last weeks 17-0 proclamation was a slight stretch.
Buccaneers 9 Lions 24. The Lions heard me say it would be a bad idea to be in a one possession game late against Tampa Bay and promptly decided not to be in such a position. Like I said last week, I struggle to see them play another game this year that resembles the Chiefs game. Meanwhile the Bucs now have two losses. One to the Eagles and one to the Lions, so I could make the argument they’re the third most serious team in the NFC behind the Lions and the Rams right now and I can’t see an argument against.
Texans 19 Seahawks 27. This is the game which brought an end to my mother’s reign which means dear reader my brother (and I) put our faith in Sam Darnold. You will remember what happened last time we made that decision. He threw a pick against the Bucs and my coworker gloated to me “Sam Darnold will always be a former Jets quarterback”. A horrifying thought. For a moment it looked like Darnold would repeat his week five trick when he fumbled in the third, allowing the Texans to score a touchdown after the recovery. But we know how the story goes. The Seahawks won
And thus we, the people, the plucky underdogs prevailed against mother. Again, I am very aware we only tied but after three harrowing weeks we take what we can get.
Tune in next week for what I hope will be my return to the victor’s circle.