Week 9 Thoughts

Seriously the AFC looks like the mid 2010's again.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited to write a piece.

By just that sentence you have probably assumed my mother did not win the week. You would be correct. What you certainly have not guessed is how her demise came to pass.

It wasn’t her undying dedication to C.J Stroud and the Texans, or even the fact her Chiefs lost against the Bills.

It was her midday nap, ladies and gentlemen.

For the first time in our group’s history we recorded a disqualification from participation because someone missed the submission window before the 1 o’clock (now 2 o’clock in the Caribbean) games kicked off.

My brother and I celebrated unabashedly. And yes, we are praying for this to happen again. You may call it pathetic, Mother certainly would. We couldn’t care less.

To the games!!

Ravens 28 Dolphins 6. Lamar Jackson returning for the Ravens plus game against the despondent Dolphins is exactly the recipe that results in a Ravens blowout and what do you know. Jackson had four touchdowns, Derek Henry had 119 rushing yards, and much to the delight of my coworker’s wallet, Tua Tagovailoa threw an interception. His trademark.

49ers 34 Giants 24. The battle of the Hospitals. House v. Grey’s Anatomy. The Good Doctor v. New Amsterdam. Pick whatever pair of popular hospital shows you want. The Niners are the better of these banged up teams but I have to give New York credit for, outside of the second quarter, matching San Francisco’s scoring. I know you have to move on but the injury to Cam Skattebo last week was, to me, the nail in the Big Blue coffin. San Fran meanwhile are tied for the most wins in the conference. Their problem is two other NFC West teams also have six wins, and they’re healthy.

Chargers 27 Titans 20. This score line does not instill confidence me. The now 1-8 Titans are appalling. If the Chargers are going to be a serious contender, even though they lost to the Russell Wilson Giants (I haven’t forgotten), they have to beat bad teams by more than a touchdown. Right? Well first, the good news is they won. Charger’s teams of the past lose that game for sure. More good news is this game wasn’t actually this close. The Titans scored on a pick-6 and a kick return, so the Chargers defense held them to six measly points. That’s what they should do against this opposition.

Vikings 27 Lions 24. The Lions scored first in this game and you, me and everybody watching thought “That’s it. Game done.” Everybody apparently didn’t include the Minnesota Vikings because they pulled off another unexpected win over a division rival. Last time it was a fourth quarter miraculous escape against the Bears and this time they took a lead and held on. It’s a massive win for the Vikings and an equally devastating loss for the Lions who missed out on the chance to take the division lead from Green Bay and instead hold the last wild card spot in the conference. Don’t you worry, we will get to Green Bay.

Falcons 23 Patriots 24. The variance in my emotions from the first half to the second half was bigger than the Grand Canyon. The Patriots were up 21-7 and had the ball at the end of the second quarter. If all goes well they add points and go into half time up three scores. Instead they turned the ball over and the Falcons scored a touchdown with 12 seconds left on the clock. 21-14. Then in the second half the Pats forgot what the point of the game is, i.e score more points than your opponent, and if not for a missed extra point I’m certain they lose that game. BUT. They won. So while I felt only fury and anxiety for an entire half of this game when the clock hit zero the Pats secured their sixth straight win and are 7-2, tied for the best record in the league.

Colts 20 Steelers 27. Now this. This is real ball. The Battle of the Two Teams I Most Want to Call Fraudulent. We’re still workshopping the title. Anyway, here I was saying the Colts might be a wagon and immediately Giants Daniel Jones returned. Three interceptions and two fumbles from Danny Dimes. Yuck. Still, the Colts threw in another turnover, count them six, and only lost by seven points. So what does that say about the Steelers. I’ll leave that for you to decide.

Broncos 18 Texans 15. He can’t keep getting away with this. Right? Have the Broncos considered bringing Bo Nix into the fourth quarter like a reliver in baseball? Once again the Broncos look miserable through three quarters and once again when the clock runs out their win-loss record improves. I won’t be surprised if they were down ten going into the fourth tonight against the Raiders. I will be even less surprised when, inevitably, Denver wins again.

Bears 47 Bengals 42. Yes I know the Bears won and had a miraculous game winning drive. That is not the story here. Joe Flacco is the story. I’ve never wanted a non-Patriots win this badly. What is it about this guy that he must ball out for an AFC North team. FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY YARDS AND FOUR TOUCHDOWNS????????? Also, he’s actually 40. Somebody get this man some help. Secondary to the Flacco story is the Bengals defense who is doing it’s best ‘Where’s Waldo’ impression, as evidenced by the failed tackle on the Bears game winning drive. Horrific.

Panthers 16 Packers 13. We have gotten to Green Bay. The way this team seemingly cannot perform when they should smoke an opponent is… something. A loss to the Browns, a tie with the Cowboys and now a loss to the Panthers. Yes I know the Panthers are 5-4 but they’re not a good team. More disparaging than the loss is how. Last week the Panthers gave up 40 points to the Bills. They only needed 16 to beat Green Bay. Which is eerily similar to the 13 the Browns needed when they beat the Packers. It kind of feels like the Packers need to feel challenged to play well, and that’s good news for the playoffs but these losses are not good.

Saints 10 Rams 34. This is what you expect when a Super Bowl contender plays a bad team Green Bay. And that’s really all I’ve got to say about it. My brother is rejoicing at Pukka Nacua’s return and Matt Stafford casually threw four TDs after his five TD performance last time out.

Jaguars 30 Raiders 29. I didn’t watch a second of this game and despite the Jags now being 5-3 I don’t respect this win except for the simple fact that every win counts. This was a 0-0 game with 35 seconds left in the first half. How do you play almost two full quarters against the Raiders and not score points. Then to win the game in OT because the Raiders failed a two point conversion. Yes, wins are wins. But this is an ugly win.

Chiefs 21 Bills 28. Someone find the Sid the Sloth meme. “They do this every year!” For the fifth year in a row the Bills have beaten the Chiefs in the regular season and yes it’s a very important win in the context of this regular season. The Bills stay in the hunt for the AFC East Division title and the Chiefs currently sit outside the playoff picture. But when the playoffs come around, if they meet we all think the Chiefs will win don’t we? I guess they’ll have to get there first. This loss coupled with wins from their divisional rivals doesn’t help KC’s chances. That being said, they’ve definitely played the harder part of their schedule.

Seahawks 38 Commanders 14. The Commanders are in trouble, and that was before Jayden Daniel got injured late in this game. Seattle put on an offensive display in the first half, heading into the locker room up 31-7 after two quarters. Sam Darnold had four touchdowns. The Seahawks scored another TD in the third quarter, then basically took the fourth off. They’re now tied with the Rams for the top of their division and hold the number three seed. Two consecutive years of Regular Season Sam Darnold being quite good.

Cardinals 27 Cowboys 17. Just a game between two quite unserious teams. Didn’t watch the first half but I’m really not surprised by this. The Cowboys aren’t a good team despite their offense and Arizona has flashed competence this season.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Who won the week? Well, while my brother showed bravery and picked the Bills he also picked the Cowboys. I picked the two red teams in those games and so. Once again.

There was a tie.

But we are more than happy to share the spoils because the real victory is Mother’s disqualification.

Better still, she forgot and tried to write a three way tie in the record book.

You have no idea how fast we corrected that error.

Here’s to many more sleepy Sundays.